What to Do When an Old Story Comes Clean

I recently had a revelation about the power of self-stories, and I couldn't wait to share it with you. Not only does this experience shed light on the invisible yet potent influence of our self-perceptions, but it also serves as a cautionary tale about what to do when we uncover a story that was given to us by someone else.

Let me set the scene. My mom was visiting, and we found ourselves with some time to spare after dropping my daughter off at ballet class. So naturally, we decided to browse around a local lululemon store. Now, I've always been an avid runner, constantly on the lookout for better gear to enhance my performance. The day before, I had noticed many women wearing biker shorts during a race, and I found myself contemplating whether I should give them a try.

As we perused the store, I absentmindedly ran my hand over a pair of biker shorts and remarked to my mom, "But I've NEVER worn biker shorts." Her response stopped me in my tracks. "Well," she said matter-of-factly, "that's because I told you not to." I was taken aback. My mother proceeded to recount how, during my elementary school years when biker shorts were all the rage, she had discouraged me from wearing them, citing concerns about my thighs.

What followed was a moment of profound realization. For over thirty-five years, I had been carrying around a self-story – one that dictated my clothing choices and shaped my self-image – without even knowing its origin. It was a sobering reminder of the invisible power that our early experiences and the words of others can wield over us.

But the true revelation came in the aftermath of this discovery. Faced with the knowledge that my self-story had been handed down to me by my mother, I had a choice to make. I could have harbored resentment, blaming her for the limitations I had placed on myself for decades. I could have confronted her about the damage her words had caused.

But instead, I chose a different path. I recognized that my mother was likely acting out of concern for my well-being, albeit in a misguided way. And regardless of her intentions, the revelation of this story was a gift – a chance for me to reassess my beliefs and decide what to do with this newfound awareness.

So, what should you do when you uncover a story that has been shaping your life, whether consciously or unconsciously? My advice is simple: don't waste another moment dwelling in negativity. Instead, embrace the opportunity to take control of your narrative.

In my case, armed with the knowledge of where my self-story originated, I made a conscious decision to reclaim my agency. Who knows? You might just see me running in biker shorts in the future – a small yet significant step towards rewriting my self-story on my own terms.

The truth is, we all carry stories with us, handed down to us by the adults in our lives who sometimes didn't know any better. But when we stumble upon these stories, we have the power to choose how they shape our lives moving forward.

So the next time an old story comes clean, don't let it hold you back. Instead, seize the opportunity to rewrite your narrative and chart a new course for yourself. After all, the power to shape your story lies within you.